[ This all hurts a part of him that just wanted her to be proud. She's understandably worried and the worry he can deal with -- it's just the edge of disappointment he imagines that hurts him more. Katherine's disapproving stare. The chilling thought of her ever treating him with the same distance as Suzaku when he came home a failure.
But she's not Katherine. She's Kate. And she could never push him away like that. This is why he's telling her -- why it's safe to tell her. ]
the contract was already signed, kate. yeah, mammon's still here and there's still a chance to barter with him, but i don't want anyone else taking my place or owing him anything. i already talked to fitz and he asked the same sort of thing.
but you know, until now aindreas and i had a lot in common. thinking only of ourselves, ready to throw those we don't care about to the wolves. i'm trying to be different. i'm trying to change the narrative that's dictated my whole life. i just want to do something good for a change.
even if there's a risk i could lose myself in the process.
Edited (sent it before proofreading. oops!) 2022-06-13 12:36 (UTC)
[ Aindreas is strong. Strong enough to withstand whatever Mammom is going to throw at him and come out stronger on the other side. HOWEVER! She can't be proud of him at the moment. Why? Kate is absolutely terrified for him. Her feelings on the matter are trumping Katherine's. What is Mammon going to do to him? Her imagination needs no help in answering that question. ]
Okay. Ok.
[ She reaches up and wipes at the corner of her eye. It's one solitary tear. ]
So you're going to sacrifice yourself for your friends. I understand that. It's noble. I get it. It is a good thing. I understand why you're doing it. I do. I don't think I could do what you're doing if our positions were switched.
[ Ramble much, Kate? If it were Pete or Bela, Kate could see herself doing something dumb like Tech is doing. But she wouldn't do it for strangers. Or a roommate. ]
I'm terrified for you.
Thank you for telling me.
[ Baby. Baby boy! ]
Do you need anything before you leave? Is there anything I can do for you?
no subject
But she's not Katherine. She's Kate. And she could never push him away like that. This is why he's telling her -- why it's safe to tell her. ]
the contract was already signed, kate. yeah, mammon's still here and there's still a chance to barter with him, but i don't want anyone else taking my place or owing him anything. i already talked to fitz and he asked the same sort of thing.
but you know, until now aindreas and i had a lot in common. thinking only of ourselves, ready to throw those we don't care about to the wolves. i'm trying to be different. i'm trying to change the narrative that's dictated my whole life. i just want to do something good for a change.
even if there's a risk i could lose myself in the process.
no subject
Okay. Ok.
[ She reaches up and wipes at the corner of her eye. It's one solitary tear. ]
So you're going to sacrifice yourself for your friends. I understand that. It's noble. I get it. It is a good thing. I understand why you're doing it. I do. I don't think I could do what you're doing if our positions were switched.
[ Ramble much, Kate? If it were Pete or Bela, Kate could see herself doing something dumb like Tech is doing. But she wouldn't do it for strangers. Or a roommate. ]
I'm terrified for you.Thank you for telling me.
[ Baby. Baby boy! ]
Do you need anything before you leave? Is there anything I can do for you?
no subject
don't suppose you can make some of those cookies? the ones you made for my "birthday." it'd be nice to have them for the trip.
no subject
I'll bake you as many as you like.
[ And maybe some other treats for his journey. It is the very least she can do. ]